Friday, 23 December 2011

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me...

Ten Heaping Cow Turds
Nine Stop-Motion Wonders
Eight Slappable Arseholes
Seven Crazy Hairdos
Six Splendid Sequels
Fiiiiiive Kick-Asssssss Duuuuuuudes
Four Mindf**k Minutes
Three Shounen Timeskips
Two Crazy Whores
And A Pair of Giant Matrix Boooooobiiiiiiieeeessss!

I hate Yoji Kuri.

Just thought I'd start with a simple four word sentence that can sum up pretty much this entire post. I've never been a huge fan of abstract arty farty short films that apparently have some kind of deep meaning but look like someone just threw a bunch of random shit together. I spent three years of my life at art college and saw many a pretentious art film, but I don't think I've ever seen a catalogue of work that so resembles a steaming pile of cow dung as Yoji Kuri's. I concede that I could appreciate a couple of his films from a stylistic point of view (which is why Stamp Fantasia is not on the heaping cow turd list), but the rest are utter shite. Unfortunately I still have a couple more to watch at some point, but I'm saving that "pleasure" for when I'm drunk or get too pissed off at seeing the Yoji Kuri folder on my hard drive.

Yoji Kuri hates women. Now, I'm not much of a feminist, but even I have my limits. Ai portrays a woman confessing to a guy and him running for the hills. But instead of leaving it at that, the woman then goes all out to snag her man like some relentless bunny-boiler with zero redeeming features. If it's meant to be funny, it fails.

Random images of random shit. Pretention for pretentions sake. Basically, this sums up everything I HATE about arty farty film shit.

This is one of Kuri's more "comic" offerings that focuses on the consequences of various actions. Of course there's plenty of Kuri's trademark woman hating thrown in for good measure.

Oh look, a woman with her husband on a leash! Yep, plenty more hating on those with the boobies in this look at the more animal-like tendencies of humans.

Did I already mention that he really hates women? Oh I did, well it should come as no surprise then that this is yet another film about a poor guy being hounded by a stalker-like woman. Misogynistic prick.

Random sketch comedy Yuri Koji style - meaning that it's bloody odd and not all that funny.

Oh look, a train! Yeah, that's basically about it. The entire three minutes of this film simply shows a train chugging along some naff abstract landscapes. Whoop-de-fucking-do.

I have to commend the mix of cel animation and what I can only describe as live action stop motion, since it is an interesting concept, but that's as far as it goes.

Really random shit happens in a room. It's freaking dull. The end.

The line has a mind of it's own and weird crap happens all around it. Yeah, that's about it.

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